Abstinence Surge!

Study: Abstinence classes don't stop sex. Duh.

Teenagers who have taken abstinence classes have the same number of sexual partners as the control group.

My question: who is talking to these kids about latex? What is the government doing to stop the spread of AIDS or prevent unwanted pregnancies, since their little abstinence classes are not actually effective?

We already know what the conservatives are going to say: more abstinence classes. We need to surge the abstinence classes, fight 'em on their turf, so we're not fighting them on our own.... wait, what?

Because Plan B is not an abortion!

The State of Washington Board of Pharmacy voted today that pharmacists cannot refuse to fill Plan B scripts. Well, yes they can, they can refer you to a coworker. But they cannot prevent you from getting your script.

Down in the seventh paragraph of the Times article, it says that Plan B "... has no effect on women who are already pregnant." Do you know what that means? It means that PLAN B IS NOT AN ABORTION.

It is emergency contraception that prevents ovulation. You take it the day after unprotected sex to make sure your ovum doesn't make its debut in a sperm-rich environment.

So let's all stop perpetuating the lie that Plan B is a chemical abortion, shall we? Thanks.

Yep, the gov't in Olympia is making policy about women's reproductive health. Also in the news, the Iraqi parliament and a bridge across the Tigris were both hit by suicide bombers. Also, the White House is pretending they didn't have incriminating emails deleted, the idiots, because they are either too stupid to keep policy and politics separate, or they thought they could get away with it.

Lots of important news, children. Do we care? No, we're distracted by Imus.

Oh, by the way, gas is $3.20 a gallon now.

What Did I Just Tell You?

My friend S called, her in-laws are visiting from France, so I have to dust off my sparkling French conversation. Je sais que ça va être dificile d'abord, mais ça fait rien. Je sais bien que je fait des betises quand je parle, et ça va jamais changer. Je suis étranger, quand même comment est-ce que vous croyez que je dois parlez, alors?
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An epistle to my non-brown friends:

How many times have I had this conversation before? A lot.

I don't really want to talk about Don Imus, because he is trash. He has a First Amendment right to be trash on the radio, to lose popularity, to alienate his sponsors, and lose his job. The First Amendment is a describes a right, not a safety net.

So now the media monkeys are screaming all over the place, talking about double standards, why Black people (i.e., rappers) are allowed to call black women "nappy headed hos" but white men are called racist when they do. Poor, rich white Imus, a victim of discrimination.

Bullshit. Nobody in any community calls the Rutgers Womens Basketball team "nappy-headed hos." They are neither nappy headed, nor hos. They all seem to have made hair choices that are not nappy; there is nothing to suggest that a single one of them are hos. Find me one person who has referred to them as "nappy headed hos" before Imus, and I will stand corrected. Well? No? That's what I thought.

Rappers tend to use degrading language because their music tends to be about (some would say glorify) a certain lifestyle in which calling someone a 'nappy headed ho' makes sense (however degrading). Was Don Imus rapping?

But JP, why should Snoop get to say words that Imus can't say?

Because it's not about words. It's about racism and misogyny. When Snoop is talking about someone being 'nappy headed,' no one suspects him of being racist.

So why can't us white people say these words without being suspected of being racist?

Because you don't have the credibility.

I get away with talking about cultural and ethnic differences all the time; yes, all the time, and sometimes I say things that my white friends would not dare to say for fear of being labeled racist. I get away with it because I tend to talk about cultural and ethnic differences with affection. There is no danger in anybody's mind that I will use the differences I notice to oppress somebody or discriminate against them. Zero.

White people, not so much. First, white people, especially white Americans, when describing cultural and ethnic differences, tend to sound like they're criticizing. You tend to make differences sound negative. I have yet to anyone make the argument that Imus was referring to 'nappy headdedness' as an endearing quality. Second, it doesn't take any stretch of the imagination to assume that white people will discriminate or oppress.

Is it fair? Probably not. So either you can just live with it, with this curse of perpetually being a potential oppressor... or you can work to gain credibility; that is, learn about brown people, listen to us, be comfortable around us, help us. Be one of us. Don't worry, in our club, you get to keep your heritage.

What about when Snoop calls them 'hos', how is that less misogynistic than when Imus says it?

It's not. It's always misogynistic to call a woman a ho.

Is it misogynistic to call a prostitute a ho?

What did I just tell you?

By the way, Snoop wants you to stop comparing him to Imus.

Four Day Weekend!

Don't you love how Bill Donohue of the Catholic League has declared himself defender of all Catholics in the face of witty Asian American kids who satirize the priest/sex abuse scandal? I don't. Shut your greasy, racist mouth, Bill Donohue, and try to understand yesterday's Gospel. Every time you say "gook" you shame yourself, and you shame us Catholics you were never asked to defend. Jackass. (Thanks, Angry Asian Man).

On Saturday I helped 小猪 move into her new place. Then afterwards, I went with 安暾 to Pan Africa Cafe for some lovely Ethiopian food. We ordered Lamb Tibs and the Sample Platter (stewed chicken, chicken tibs, potatoes, green lentils, red lentils, and greens) all served on injera. Delicious! I had a very clovey tea with sugar, as well.

Afterwards, we went down to Bottega Italiana for gelati; 安暾 had stracciatella/nocciola, and I had gianduia/pistacchio. Yum.

I had originally planned to go to a basketball game with la 浅, but when she didn't answer her phone, I called 安暾 for dinner. Of course they were sitting next to each other, watching a basketball game on tv. So I apologized to la 浅 and told her I was too exhausted, and that I wanted African food. She was cool, but I felt like a jerk. She didn't answer the phone! Oh well.

So then yesterday I helped out the Newman Center choir; they wanted to sing some spirituals, so I taught them some spirituals. Afterwards, we all went to Hing Loon; fourteen of us pushed a small table for 4 together with a big round banquet table and cracked jokes. It was fun. 恭贺新禧, everyone!

Today the construction guys showed up... on Presidents' Day! The carpet is now shampooed, so all that is left is for me to put the room back together. Once the carpet dries, of course. They also did the hallway.

And now, I am going to watch the BSG that I missed yesterday. And THEN I will work on my Hangzhou application. First things first.

I dare you not to puke.

It's Friday night, and I'm exhausted. Just a few quick words before I brush my teeth, climb into bed, and read either the next few chapters of A Sudden Country, or maybe go over a chapter in my Chinese textbook....

First of all, how do people not see the scathing political commentary going on at Battlestar Galactica? Last week's episode was totally Abu Ghraib in space. And guess what, there will be Saddam Hussein on Trial in space before the end of the season.

Second, I got a fat load of hits the other day, when Seattlest posted a link to my weird dream.

I heard something crazy on the radio today, that today Washington Governor Gregoire enacted a law to keep protests from interfering with funerals. Apparently, there's a group of people from Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas that travels the country picketing military funerals, claiming that God is killing troops in Iraq to punish American acceptance of homosexuality.

How many ways are these people stupid? What could possibly be accomplished by protesting at funerals? And what kind of god do they worship that needs to kill people in order to change cultural mores? Doesn't the creator of heaven and earth have a more direct means of affecting change?

Ok, finally, the principal sent us this video as a thank you to the faculty during Catholic Schools Week. When you start to gag, please note the slide number, and post it in the comments. I gagged at slide number one. But I have a low tolerance for this kind of stuff. Still, I dare you not to puke.

"Discrimination = entertainment" or "...a caveman could do it"

You can see all the caveman ads over at WankelRotaryEngine.

First of all, count how many Geico campains are going on now. 1) Caveman 2) Gecko 3) Celebrities help non-celebrities 4) Tiny House... Are there more? I wouldn't be surprised.

I'm sure my highly educated readers, the ones academic ones who are angry all the time, will be better able to articulate this than I am. Regardless....

Let's talk about the caveman ads. I love them. The making-of. The ultra-modern caveman apartment. The apology at the restaurant. The airport. The therapist. The FOX News interview. I love every single one. It's all about a caveman, a character whose species does not exist in the modern era. But if his species did exist, it would be as an under-the-radar minority. And like all minorities in America, our hero has to deal with ignorant white people.

Yah, yah, it's sapiens vs. neanderthal. And that's why white people are not up in arms about being mocked. But it's the thinnest of veils. Do they not see it?

Those spots are all about the ethnocentricity of white America, and what a minority has to deal with even when assimilated; the insensitivity, the ignorance, and (as demonstrated by the FOX News spot) open hostility.

But I thought discrimination= bad? Why do I find these ads so entertaining? If they said "so easy a woman could do it!" or "so easy a Jew could do it!" wouldn't we all be angry? Well, wouldn't we?

And then, on another level: how ironic is it that we mock white America by pointing out how they mock other ethnocultural groups at all levels of assimilation?

And then, on another level: is it right to mock white America, which is obviously an ethnocultural variety, just because it's the dominant one?

I'm not sure if it's right, but when I see the therapist spot, I lose my shit when the therapist realizes she realizes her own ethnocentric ignorance and can't answer him ("because therapists are smart?") . And then she is saved because the 1) caveman has a cell phone which rings at that very moment; 2) he reads the caller ID and 3) he suggests putting his mother on speaker phone, because obviously he's familiar with freudian psychology. So the caveman is thoroughly modern and sophisticated to the point of ennui, but the stupid therapist is five seconds behind, still struggling with the implication that a caveman offended by an insulting commercial is somehow oversenstitive.

In other words, it's funny because the white people are less evolved. Than a caveman.

Yep. It's a joke at the expense of an ethnic group. And I'm laughing.

"Yet another snowday" and "Gay people, oh no!"

I missed the snow tree phone call this morning; I was in the bathroom. But the snow is coming down, and classes are cancelled! I'm probably the last one who isn't put off by it; at this point we've had so many snow days, even the students are getting irritated.

Last night Robert Mak was fishing for controversy.... you know how they do that, they find something nobody has noticed and then ask people about it, hoping that they could find somebody bigot to say something outragous, so they can break a news story that they manufactured.... Well, yesterday they found an Ikea ad in the newspaper with two men in the kitchen, which implied that they were GAY! GAY GAY GAY!

Quick, Robert Mak, go find a homophobe on the street! I'll get the camera... We'll call it "news!"

Anyway, I find it remarkable only because one of the people they found was my gay-friendly cowsin E. Click here for the video.
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The snow is supposed to fall until around 8pm today, and then finally we'll thaw. I think I'll make myself some eggs.

Christmas is a scam.

You'll need real player to listen to David Sedaris' Santaland Diaries, which I heard today on NPR. Don't worry, the download is free, and the story is awesome. AWESOME. It's about his experience as Crumpet, the Macy's elf in Santaland.


Do not miss Sedaris' Billy Holiday impression, right around the 7:50 mark. It's a really good impression!


Christmas is a scam.


Also, I'm sure these kids in the video below are nice kids, but I really find this kind ecstasy over an gift to be pretty frightening. We confuse surprise and excitedness with happiness. That doesn't look like happiness to me; it looks like anxiety (think: the Dog Whisperer). Materialism is not normal, nor is it natural; it's socialized, and reinforced throuought childhood.


You want your kids to be happy? Go ahead and buy them an N64, and play it with them. Also, encourage them to study their Spanish; help them when they need help, and praise them when they do well.

Shut up, Fuiten.

Insulting Jewish people is not what Jesus would do, Pastor Fuiten. I'm with Goldy.

Shame on you, Pastor Fuiten. You should be supporting religious freedom, not holiday trees in the airport.

Anti-semitism is bullshit. That's why I had latkes for lunch.

Christmas, sukkas.

Christians are gross, huh. No, not me, and not you, unless you're one of those Christians. You know, the anti-semetic kind that throw tantrums over missing trees rather than, oh, for example poverty and hunger in the world.

So check out Goldy, I don't know why I didn't say the words before, but he said it, and I'll repeat it: ANTI-SEMITIC. "Christmas is when people of all faiths come together to worship Jesus Christ," I think that's a Bart Simpson quote. That Pastor Fuiten is a horse's ass.

Meanwhile, there's at least one Jesuit who's ready to cede Christmas to the corporations, reschedule the Feast of the Nativity for a time when the Christmastree worshippers are not in a feeding frenzy.

So, there. Is there anyone else to alienate?

On a lighter note, the Vatican State is thinking about starting a soccer team. (Thanks 2x to Rocco at Whispers in the Loggia.)

During our recent War on Christmas tantrum...

Oh, those evil liberals wanted to take away our Christmas. Blame the Jews, right? Civil liberties are for asshats, right?

Well, now it looks like the FBI can bug you through your own cell phones (thanks, B). As in, when you turn your phone off and put it in you pocket, they can listen to you. You think they're getting warrants for that?

We used to have a nice country, with civil liberties and everything. I hate George Bush. His record of poor judgment, and his contempt for the Constitution has been spectacular.

By the way, this whole 'listening' act that he's doing now is a stunt. We all know they've decided to up troop levels for the short term to try to extinguish violence all at once, instead of chasing it around from province to province.

Stupid man. Why didn't we send enough troops in 2003? Is there any possible way for him to answer that without him being an incompetent moron? Let's all say it together: insufficient intelligence.

Stupid Christians

I am a firm believer in the separation of church and state. Absolutely.

I also believe the First Amendment of the US Constitution guarantees freedom of worship.

So when a rabbi points out a bunch of Christmas decorations in a public building and asks for the menorah to be displayed, my inclination would be to PUT UP A MENORAH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

Stupid Christians, you don't understand your Christianity, (the Jews are not our opponents) and you don't understand the Constitution, so no wonder you don't know how to keep them separate. High school civics, children.

As you know, the Port of Seattle took out its Christmas trees, believing that the rabbi would bring a lawsuit. The rabbi was all over the news, telling people WITH WORDS that he never asked for the removal of the Christmas trees, but for them to add a menorah to the display. The rabbi did not remove your Christmas trees, the PORT OF SEATTLE did.

So then the so-called Christians came out of the woodwork to throw a tantrum, blamed the rabbi and the liberals, lamented the loss of the trees. When the story got national attention, the Port of Seattle replaced the trees. STILL NO MENORAH.

You idiots. Will it kill you to honor the Jewish community? Would you DIE if you had to recognize that some people don't celebrate the same holidays as you? The rabbi isn't trying to deprive you of your stupid trees, he's asking to be INCLUDED in our society.

The First Amendment that guarantees and protects the freedom of worship that allows you to worship your Christmas trees also guarantees and protects the freedom of other religious communities. If you're going to spend the public's money to honor a Christian holiday, it's not going to kill you to put out a menorah.

Now, it's a valid point that the menorah is a religious symbol, and that Christmas trees are more a symbol of the Christian community, and not of Christianity itself. So then you TALK to the rabbi, and you honor the Jewish community with a symbol that's less religious.

But if you can't figure out how to honor everybody, then do your job and remove all religious symbols from my airport. And quit whining about it, seriously, because a) you're not creative enough to solve the problem, and b) the First Amendment protects all of us from religious persecution, and I'd rather have a tree-less airport is preferable to living in a country with religious persecution.

I am sick of hearing people pretend that it's a terrible burden to honor diversity, whether it's linguistic, religious, or cultural. If you're too lazy to recognize other people's beliefs, then to hell with your Christmas trees.

Culturally flavored ambush comedy

Well, we brown people have always wondered when we get to be on tv. You'd think that after the success of the Cosby Show in the 80s, we wouldn't have had to wait 20 years until we got George López, but we already know that the white american viewing public is fearful.

Sure, there's "er" which I watched 10 years ago because of the multicultural reality it portrayed. And there has been the occasional black sidekick, asian girlfriend, or latino drug runner, or middle eastern deli owner that proved to everyone how progressive Hollywood is. And don't forget the futuretopias of the Star Trek universe, where white people worked hand in hand with black people who were either black klingons or black vulcans or blind black people with a banana clip on their face; or a latina klingon; or the native american stereotype. Or best of all, the asian american (human!) ensign from San Francisco who sit at the feet of his busty white Captain-ess.

But now.

But now Borat has introduced culturally flavored ambush comedy, in which a comedian, who gives himself license to be a fool by pretending to be an ignorant foreigner, tests the real life reactions of real life white americans. Because really, even 20 years after Cosby, it's still all about the white people.

So don't get excited about the Papdits on CBS, because it's not about being brown in America. "er" is still your best bet.

Are you kidding?

Breaking news:

A cannon that is fired at Snohomish High School's football games (at the beginning of games and when they score) has misfired and blown apart. Students were injured.

It just happened a few hours ago. TV news has it, but no links yet.

I work at a private institution in a big city; sometimes it seems like were're in the dark ages. But then again, on days like today, it seems like we're light years ahead.

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Oh, there's more. Some news media are getting former congressman Mark Foley's party affiliation. HE IS A REPUBLICAN.

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Finally, ramadan seems strange to us because it's not our culture. But rest assured, there is plenty of our stuff that seems just as strange to them.

The Death of The Republic

If you hear church bells tolling, it's because the United States of America has fallen. You heard it first at Jesus General; Bitch PhD has called it here and here.

I took high school civics. I know that without habeas corpus, the authority of any government is basically might makes right. Foreign nationals living legally in the USA may be declared an enemy combatant (definition to be determined by the President) and then detained indefinitely.

American citizens, too can be classified as 'enemy combatants' if they give material support to 'the enemy.' See? You don't even have to actually be an 'enemy' or a 'combatant.'

We are not 'one step away' from witch hunts, or UnAmerican hearings, folks, we have leapt PAST that step. Accused witches and communists at least got a hearing, however phoney. Now we just lock them up, and torture is not out of the question.

Today on NPR, I heard that the enemey combatants who are American citizens get more rights than others. So "all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights...." Eh, not so self-evident any more, apparently.

And 'innocent until proven guilty in a court of law'? Ha ha ha!

The terrorists hate our freedoms? No problem, the Administration is taking our freedoms away.

The Republic is dead. The grand experiment in Democracy has failed.

I'm not sure if you're reaching for the Roman allusion(s) or the Star Wars one, but we let this one happen, folks. Some of you voted for it. So you're not going to blame this one on decadence, or homosexuals, or the Sith. We did this to ourselves.

Well folks, maybe the decline and fall won't be spectacular and apocalyptic. Maybe we've just become and old world country, with no real vision of liberty, a spotted history of freedom and atrocity. Maybe we've just become the same ol' old world country that the yearning masses longing to to be free were running from in the first place.

I'm not so naive to think that the USA was ever really that paradise of ideals, but it seems like before GWB, we were trying to be. Forgive me if it has always been this bleak under Republicans.

Ah, the local news.

When unarmed Canadian border agents get word that some armed American is making a run for the border, they leave their posts and close the border.

Well, wouldn't you? I would.

Local Seattle news then picks up the story about what a nightmare it is to sit in traffic at the border for hours.

Hmm, what part of this news story is missing... Is American law enforcement doing anything? You think that they could put a call in to the Washington State Patrol to get a comment, woudln't you? I mean since the criminal is now trapped on the Washington side with hundreds of uncomfortable travelers. Not to mention the thousands of people that actually live and work in the communities on the American side of the border.

I'm assuming it's not part of the USA's plan to keep the fugitive in this country.

Is the traffic jam really the only aspect of the story worth covering?

"Resorting to Manners"

(I don't have time to look for links right now, but I'm publishing a draft so I don't forget. If you'd like to help me with links, please use the comment section. )

A very wise person (ding) once told me that when the non-brown people run out of arguement, they "resort to manners." By calling someone impolite, they manage to not engage valid points.

For example, once my friend was complaining to me about how Native Americans in Washington have explicit treaty rights to collect shellfish from private property. I said, 'it's a treaty man.' He protested, saying that they should break the treaty to protect private property owners, and I said something like "the United States of America is incapable of upholding a treaty with the Native Americans." He got annoyed, and then called me rude. "You're rude!"

He resorted to manners. That's all he had left.

In high school, I was the president of the ASB, and the newspaper editor came to us halfway through the year, saying that they had spent their budget and they needed $4000 to continue. The student government approved it, but I sent a valentine to the newspaper saying that they should be more responsible. They came back with my valentine the next issue of the paper in two editorials, one by the editor, and one by the FACULTY ADVISOR, saying my note was "unpresidential." What a joke. First of all, nobody cared. Second, the newspaper got off lucky, I should have vetoed that bailout; THAT would have been presidential.

They resorted to manners. That's all they had left.

Now our friend Condi poo-poohs Venezolano president Hugo Chavez for criticizing Bushy-poo, saying his rant is unbecoming. Resorting to manners. That's all she's got.

(is anyone even going to bother to ask why I'm applying this generalization about non-brown people to the most prominant African American in our government?)

You know what I think is unbecoming a head of state? Lying about going to war. Detaining people without habeas corpus. Looking for ways to torture foreigners. Sending loyal, patriotic men and women to die in a war we didn't need to start. Wanting to enshrine homophobia and discrimination in federal law.

It's not that I hate the man. But he is worse than bad at his job. He does not uphold the constitution; he subverts it. He does not protect the life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness; he puts people in the line of fire.

I don't think he understand what it means to uphold and protect the Constitution. I think he's upholding and protecting the myth of the "Don't mess with Texas" America that exists in his own hard head.

Or maybe he just is as evil as the people surround him.

Survivor 13: White Privilege

I won't even bother coming up with a snazzy new title, Orange beat me to it! I've never been a fan of reality tv, so I've never watched Survivor. Orange doesn't either, but she couldn't resist watching the first race-based competition. Check out her analysis; the white folk are so white-priviledged, they don't seem to notice their own homogeneity.

I'm not sure why anyone thought this would be a good idea, other than all the blogospheric buzz that segregation will bring them. Apartheid may not be good enough for the regular people, but when attractive people are competing for money....

To be fair, I heard on Entertainment! Inside! Extra! that the contestants were told the night before the competition started that they would be grouped, you know, according to White America's racial constructs. So they all had a good night's sleep to decide if they would racially exploit themselves for America's delight and for a big cash prize, or go home with nothing. I'm sure I would have agreed to go on with the competition as well, and then later endured criticism from ethnic studies majors.

It's only a matter of time until it becomes Survivor: Men vs. Women. then Survivor: Sectarian Violence. Survivor: Holocaust. Survivor: Abortion Debate. Survivor: Abuse Victims vs. Their Abusers.

On Strike!

So Brad Pitt says he won't marry again until everyone gets to marry.

("Everyone" meaning specifically same sex couples... how did everyone manage not to say that? )

Who knew Brad Pitt would step up and be the moral conscience of the nation? Do you think it was his idea?

Well, I also am declaring a moratorium on getting married until gay and lesbians can marry. Take that, you homophobes!

While we're at it, I'm not going to invade Iraq either.

Farting in the Classoom?

Dear Bitch traffic,

I see all of you coming to my site, and I know you're looking for the story about J farting in the classroom, but I done told you.... this blog is about me, not J. When I have a farting story, I'll share it with you.

You may feel free to tell your own (or other people's) farting stories in the comments section if you like. And as for J, she will have to start her own blog.

So here are some of my thoughts for Monday's big BitchPhd post. It's gonna be a letter (or series of letters?) to Non-Brown America, with some information that might help them get to know us better.

• Ethnicity is not pedigree. No more fractions!
  
• Ethnicity is as central to identity as gender. No more "zero-culture fallacy." No more "I don't you as "ethnic;" I don't care if you're black, or white, or green!"
  
• Relative Vaginophbia.
  
• Don't be Santa Clause. The poison of materialism in rural El Salvador.
• When White people aren't listening.... or when we're not speaking English...
  
• mostly we don't talk about you
• we shake our heads at your dairy habit