Man Vs. Wild

I'm slightly obsessed with this show, Man Vs. Wild.

The presenter is a British survivalist who's name is Bear, but he doesn't look grizzley; in fact, I think the little gear he does have with him is pretty high tech and expensive, from his knife, to his watch, to his high tech microfiber clothes.

He's always talking about the culturally appropriate survival techniques of the indiginous people, as well as the plants and animals of a certain region. Which means he's done his homework.

He is always wet and dirty, and I think I just saw him eat a live frog. I definitely saw him roast a turtle on a four-point Seminole fire, beat hypothermia by soaking in a pool he created when he dammed up a run-off stream of geothermally boiling water, and find clean drinking water in an underground lava tube. I'm pretty sure he also took off his shirt and showered himself with coconut milk, which if you ask me was slightly gratuitous, but I myself have always wanted to taste like Thai food....

Here's what I want to know: his camara man has to do all the same crazy stuff Bear has to do in order to get the shots; i.e., swimming in alligator infested waters, dropping out of an airplane onto a glacier and a lava field, scaling clffs... does the camera crew have to do all of that? Do they all have to sleep on a platform in the Everglades and get eaten alive by mosquitos? Or share an ice cave? Or eat a live frog? Do they help him when he almost freezes to death in a frozen river?

What I really want to know is how much this guy gets paid. I bet it's a lot.

What is that about?

The limerick contest continues! Click here!

My grades are in, hooray! Tonight, I'm grading some more! And making a worksheet.

I had a few random thoughts today.

• That idiot president tried to use food to distract everyone, including himself, from the issues on his recent tour of Latin America.
• No and Hell No. Seattle has decided! Tunnel: no. Superviaduct: hell no. Tear that shit down, make me a park. I'm gonna want a condo there pretty soon.
• These raids are not about homeland security. Conservative America is acting out it's racism, and it's desire to maintain a class of brown people ethat they can oppress. Tell me it's not true.
• You want to know what trash is? It's parents who throw parties for underage kids and let them get drunk. That, my friends, is why the Filipino kids aren't allowed to hang out with white kids the parents don't know.
• Rudy Giuliani vs. photoshop.
• I watched The New Adventures of Old Christine last night, and it cracked me up. What? Do I still like sitcoms? They're so... early 90s. It's funny that the characters were annoyed by the kid having to switch to an all-white school, when the cast itself is all white. Oh wait, Wanda Sykes is on the show now... so why isn't she in the cast picture, or even listed on the cast page. What is that about?
• I have an Ikea duvet cover. There's a hole in the bottom, so that you can stuff your comforter inside. Every morning when I wake up, the comfortor manages to escape out of the hole... usually it gets about 3 feet out. How do I keep my comfortor from escaping my duvet cover during the night? Please help me, duvet covers are not part of my cultural heritage.

Dear White Guy...

Dear Anthony Bourdain,

I find your vocabulary and your crass commentary entertaining. It's fun to watch you piss on tourist-bureau traps, eat lips and assholes, and be impatient with boring people. It's good tv.





Here's a question for you.... Why can't white people learn to eat with their hands? All over Africa, the Middle East, South East Asian, Mexico, etc... people eat with their hands.


Clean hands! It's a technique! In fact, the shape you make when you're eating with your hands is the EXACT SAME shape you Western chefs make when you chop vegetables: you pull your fingers together, and you push the food under your fingers so that it meets the blade.


To eat with your hands, pull your fingers together and then use your thumb to push your food into your mouth! It's not hard! Just remember a) wash your hands, b) cut your nails short, and c) remove your jewelry, watches, etc.


So why, Anthony Bourdain, does it seem so hard for white people (like when you went to Malaysia) to eat with their hands? Are you kidding? Your friend is sitting next to you, doing it correctly; you sloppily pick up the food with the sides of your fingers, food falling into your palm, rice falling all over your face?

What is your problem?

First you complain that it's hard, and then you DON'T DO IT.

You know, not knowing how to eat makes you look like an ass. Sorry. We do have patience for beginners. However, willfully refusing to learn when someone is showing you? That is inexcusable. Learn how to eat. It matters. I'm not sure why they didn't start beating you right then and there.

Culturally flavored ambush comedy

Well, we brown people have always wondered when we get to be on tv. You'd think that after the success of the Cosby Show in the 80s, we wouldn't have had to wait 20 years until we got George López, but we already know that the white american viewing public is fearful.

Sure, there's "er" which I watched 10 years ago because of the multicultural reality it portrayed. And there has been the occasional black sidekick, asian girlfriend, or latino drug runner, or middle eastern deli owner that proved to everyone how progressive Hollywood is. And don't forget the futuretopias of the Star Trek universe, where white people worked hand in hand with black people who were either black klingons or black vulcans or blind black people with a banana clip on their face; or a latina klingon; or the native american stereotype. Or best of all, the asian american (human!) ensign from San Francisco who sit at the feet of his busty white Captain-ess.

But now.

But now Borat has introduced culturally flavored ambush comedy, in which a comedian, who gives himself license to be a fool by pretending to be an ignorant foreigner, tests the real life reactions of real life white americans. Because really, even 20 years after Cosby, it's still all about the white people.

So don't get excited about the Papdits on CBS, because it's not about being brown in America. "er" is still your best bet.

Arrr!

The tech department told me I shouldn't pirate music anymore. I asked, is that why it was crashing? No, they said, but you just shouldn't anyway.

Fine. It's their computer.

But how am I supposed to work?

Last year I taught La tortura, but I couldn't show the video, because frankly, it was distracting to me. This year, I want to teach Ricky Martin's Pégate, a kick-ass song he sang at los Latin Grammys (Pégate starts at the 2:25 mark). It's got the grammar I want: a ton of verbs in different tenses, plus some fun boricua words. But nooooo, iTunes doesn't have it.

So instead I'm teaching the Spanish version of Jaleo, which is another kick-ass party song, this one with a gypsy flavor, even arabic. But the only videos available on Google or YouTube are the Spanglish versions. And just in case you didn't know, Ricky Martin sounds great in Spanish, and his English is just fine, but somewhere in the translation, our boy Ricky turns to cheese. Even in Jaleo, which is a really faithful translation of the original. Maybe it's the way he sings it. Or maybe it's really cheesy in Spanish too, but we have a higher tolerance for cheese in Spanish than we do in English.

Anyway, the Spanglish version is worthless. I wish I could just pirate stuff. Arrrr!

By the way, on the Latin Grammys, all the performances were good. Well, maybe except for that boy/girl band in the middle of the show. Still, the latinos are more polished performers than those American pop stars whose real talent is production, marketing, and dancing in expensive videows. The same goes for the country music acts; country and latino artists are good performers because they spend the year actually performing, rather than, say, walking barefoot into gas station bathrooms.

I am sweating and breathing hard

So Latin Grammys is on Univision this year, and it's on right now... and YouTube does not work fast enough, because it's already been 30 seconds since Shakira and Alejandro Sanz left the stage.

Tortura is an old song, so I had no expectation they were going to sing it. First, they introduced Shakira, and she sang La pared sitting on a barstool next to a piano. It was nice. Then she gracefully introduced Alejandro Sanz, who was waiting on the next stage over. (Latinos are so far ahead of gringos when it comes to social grace, it's pathetic.) So then Ale sang one of his songs with a million words (he's not as skinny as he used to be).

And when that song was done, we walked over to Shakira's stage, where a guitar and mic had been set up for him, and the crowd went NUTS. Shakira came out of a tunnel, the screen went up to reveal Shakira's band, and then they started playing Tortura.

Update: here it is here it is here it is here it is on YouTube.

And then Shakira started doing that robotic breast thing and the belly dancing thing, and suddenly all over the globe, sex hormone levels surged, and men and women everywhere were wiping drool from their chins. ahem. just.. give me a moment.

Last year I gave my students the text of that song, and they all learned it, and some of them made their lipsync video to that song. I was thinking about finding this performance on YouTube and showing it to this year's kids, but... mejor no. No no creo que no.

Ay ay ay.

Now Andrea Bocelli is singing "Besame mucho." (discreet yawn to one side)

life? art?

Millitary occupation. Puppet government. Insurgency. Suicide bombers. New police forces trained by the Occupation. Abuse and torture of detainees. Curfews. Brutal crackdowns.

I'm talking about Battlestar Galactica, of course. But they might as well call it Bagdad in space.

I'm not sure how long it will be until the humans are on the run again, but the portrayal of the desperation of an occupied people seems like courageous tv right now. But then again, Republicans are not watching this show.

Reminds me of V, remember, from 1983? They changed Nazis into space lizards and had them attack LA. Ah, good times. Btw, it looks like there is a miniseries in the works.

BSG: Where have you been, people!

Hey! This is the internet age!

When SciFi puts out a 4 minute webisode of Battlestar Galactica, why do I have to find out about it though surfing? Egh! There are already SIX webisodes available! Are you kidding?

How did I find it? NBC promised I could watch an episode of Studio 60, which I missed tonight, at NBC.com. Well, the second episode is not available. That's when I saw the BSG stuff.

I can't BELIEVE you people. We are supposed to look out for each other! Hmph!

BSG's season 3 debuts October 6th.

And no, I'm NOT ashamed of watching sci-fi and I DON'T CARE if you think acronyms are nerdy.

Friendship?

So I watched Studio 60 tonight, I have to say I enjoyed it. And by now the meds have worn off.

One question; is the show based upon a buddy buddy best friend premise? Because I finally stopped believing in buddy buddy best friendship ten years ago.

I know, I'm a late bloomer.

_______

I'm sure the muscle relaxant, the codeine, the tylenol, the ice, the heat, and the rest all contributed to getting my back back to normal this weekend. But honestly? The rolled up towel I put in my lombar region feels the best.

And the reward? I got work tomorrow. Grr.

Survivor 13: White Privilege

I won't even bother coming up with a snazzy new title, Orange beat me to it! I've never been a fan of reality tv, so I've never watched Survivor. Orange doesn't either, but she couldn't resist watching the first race-based competition. Check out her analysis; the white folk are so white-priviledged, they don't seem to notice their own homogeneity.

I'm not sure why anyone thought this would be a good idea, other than all the blogospheric buzz that segregation will bring them. Apartheid may not be good enough for the regular people, but when attractive people are competing for money....

To be fair, I heard on Entertainment! Inside! Extra! that the contestants were told the night before the competition started that they would be grouped, you know, according to White America's racial constructs. So they all had a good night's sleep to decide if they would racially exploit themselves for America's delight and for a big cash prize, or go home with nothing. I'm sure I would have agreed to go on with the competition as well, and then later endured criticism from ethnic studies majors.

It's only a matter of time until it becomes Survivor: Men vs. Women. then Survivor: Sectarian Violence. Survivor: Holocaust. Survivor: Abortion Debate. Survivor: Abuse Victims vs. Their Abusers.

Saturday Night in a Clean House

My sister stayed the night last Thursday, which means the place appears clean. I could still stand to mop the kitchen floor, finish the laundry, re-arrange the rec room, vaccuum downstairs. However that kind of stuff smacks of "strain" which I'm supposed to avoid due to the kidney biopsy.

A and J came over, we had dinner at Tutta Bella, came back to my place and chatted while half watching an awful Olsen Twins movie "The Challenge." I like having a clean house and having respectable people over. I pretty much forgot about the missing chunks of my kidneys. Althought I did regret not having fun snacks or drinks to offer.

When they left, I came into the office to blog. I put on the tv and watched the very end of Star Wars Episode II: The Clone Wars. When it ended, I hadn't changed the channel, and now it seems I'm watching Kill Bill Part 2.

I just realized it's a three day weekend; I have two more days to enjoy this clean upstairs. And orders from the doctor not to strain, lift, or cough.

Spaghetti Improvvizati

Oh no! It's "Movie Night In Canada," and CBC is showing The Empire Strikes Back! Yes, I own the DVD, so what? For those of you who don't know, "Movie Night In Canada" is the sad replacement of "Hockey Night In Canada" now that the NHL is on strike. Ha.

So I melted some butter with some olive oil, cracked some pepper into it, dumped in a little can of chopped california olives, squirted some tomato & vegetable paste into it and sauteed it all around. Then I dumped in a can of italian-style stewed tomatoes and crushed into the sauce with my wooden spoon. Simmer until the pasta's done, and then toss it all together over a medium flame. Some pinched mozzarella went on top. And when I say mozzarella, I mean string cheese.

Look's like meat, duddn't it.

You can serve this to your vegetarian friends, or as an unfussy primo piatto. Besides, spaghetti's not supposed to be an entree; it's supposed to be an entree. When I was in Italy, my host family asked me what Americans had for dinner; my American room mate said, "sometimes I have spaghetti." The Italians said, "Yah. . . . And . . . ?" And he said. "That's it!"

It took a while for them to wrap their heads around a concept of spaghetti as a meal. For them, it's the little plate you start with before getting to the meat and vegetables. Then comes salad, and after that, dessert, and then fruit. By then I was drunk and went straight to bed.

And the best part is, when I was in Italy, stuffing myself, I lost weight. Was it the walking? or was it the fresh organic food? Maybe it was meals at regular times, including breakfast, everyday for two months. Non si sa.

well, it's been a while. the invasion has almost reached bagdhad. kairos was great; better this time i think, but don't tell the kids. all talks were top-notch.

here are the programs i'm obsessed with: rough science, all-american festivals, good eats, iron chef, west wing, and invasion coverage.

H and i are going to move in together into a two-bedroom two doors south. i'm excited to live there and save money, but i'm not excited to move. we'll buy a wireless router.

mama and dad came to visit last monday. we met them at hoho; they arrived first. when we got there, dad had already ordered. he thinks he can flirt with the servers. it is irritating on many levels. we had a lovely fresh king crab. it was huge. they made soup out of the head; cracked and sauteed the legs with garlic, and then deep fried the rest. it was excellent. it was also $200. it was irresponsible for him to order without me. i have always hated it when he orders on our behalf. we hadn't even got to the restaurant yet. next time i will just speak up and if he gets embarrassed then he will not be the only one.