Saturday, September 09, 2006

Farting in the Classoom?

Dear Bitch traffic,

I see all of you coming to my site, and I know you're looking for the story about J farting in the classroom, but I done told you.... this blog is about me, not J. When I have a farting story, I'll share it with you.

You may feel free to tell your own (or other people's) farting stories in the comments section if you like. And as for J, she will have to start her own blog.

So here are some of my thoughts for Monday's big BitchPhd post. It's gonna be a letter (or series of letters?) to Non-Brown America, with some information that might help them get to know us better.

  • Ethnicity is not pedigree. No more fractions!
  • Ethnicity is as central to identity as gender. No more "zero-culture fallacy." No more "I don't you as "ethnic;" I don't care if you're black, or white, or green!"
  • Relative Vaginophbia.
  • Don't be Santa Clause. The poison of materialism in rural El Salvador.
  • When White people aren't listening.... or when we're not speaking English...
    • mostly we don't talk about you
    • we shake our heads at your dairy habit


taddyporter said...

I am a non-Brown American who has, for many years now, been embedded in a Brown American community. At enormous personal risk, I have managed to penetrate their secret code (they call it "espanol" and confine knowledge of it to a small circle of around a billion people) and am in a position to reveal to my caucasion paisanos what they are talking about.

While these subjects are alarming, we can no longer take refuge in our ignorance. The threat must be confronted and soon.

Subversive and alien topics frequently bandied about by these infiltrators are as follows: their kids, their spouse, their in-laws, their job, their classes, the Denver Broncos, what's for dinner tonight, can they get me a drink, when am I going to repay the $50 I borrowed, no they are not going to lend me another $50, have I seen the film Idlewild, how is my mother doing, what do I hear from my nephew in Iraq, sneaky shit like that.

My advice to the non-Browns; get over yourself.

ding said...

i have a monstrously funny farting in the workplace story but since it's not mine to share, i can't tell it.


(however, somewhere there is a korean analyst wrongly accused of blowing a gargantuan poot in the middle of the broker floor while an angel-faced research assistant goes blithely free. heh.)

metamanda said...

ok, so i posted to bitch disagreeing with you on the fractions... but truly, you crack me up. I can relate to a lot of what you're posting about.

i, too, am perplexed by the dairy thing, and i have never in my life made christmas cookies.