Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Dear White Guy...

Dear Anthony Bourdain,

I find your vocabulary and your crass commentary entertaining. It's fun to watch you piss on tourist-bureau traps, eat lips and assholes, and be impatient with boring people. It's good tv.

Here's a question for you.... Why can't white people learn to eat with their hands? All over Africa, the Middle East, South East Asian, Mexico, etc... people eat with their hands.

Clean hands! It's a technique! In fact, the shape you make when you're eating with your hands is the EXACT SAME shape you Western chefs make when you chop vegetables: you pull your fingers together, and you push the food under your fingers so that it meets the blade.

To eat with your hands, pull your fingers together and then use your thumb to push your food into your mouth! It's not hard! Just remember a) wash your hands, b) cut your nails short, and c) remove your jewelry, watches, etc.

So why, Anthony Bourdain, does it seem so hard for white people (like when you went to Malaysia) to eat with their hands? Are you kidding? Your friend is sitting next to you, doing it correctly; you sloppily pick up the food with the sides of your fingers, food falling into your palm, rice falling all over your face?

What is your problem?

First you complain that it's hard, and then you DON'T DO IT.

You know, not knowing how to eat makes you look like an ass. Sorry. We do have patience for beginners. However, willfully refusing to learn when someone is showing you? That is inexcusable. Learn how to eat. It matters. I'm not sure why they didn't start beating you right then and there.

1 comment:

Jon said...

It's a sad thing about Anthony. I'm sure on a personal level his wit and intelligence are engaging. But his show sucks. He isn't examining food so much as trying to entertain people by demonstrating how exotic his locales are. That is not in the least bit compelling as a food show, particularly to people familiar with those places.

His show on Iceland was simply embarrassing. Rather than do a show on truly interesting local foods like bread baked in volcanic soil and skyr, he instead devoted an hour to bobsledding (which is Inuit, not Icelandic), hot dog stands, and a certain meat stew cooked in a downtown gym. Really pathetic stuff.