I'm still here.

TMI WARNING.

Yes, I'm still here. I haven't been very bloggy lately, as I seem to have sprained my colon last week, and I've been feeling pretty crappy about it. The doctor gave me a butt relaxer and a butt numbing agent, but even with latex gloves, I can't get them far enough up river, so to speak. So for now I'm relying on advil and stool softeners.

God bless my mama, she wanted me to take this opportunity to get a colonoscopy, a parasite test, basically anything she could think of that involved looking up my butt. If I had let her she would have scheduled a rectal spectral analysis by the Hubble telescope, but I had to tell her no, mama, no no no! It hurts when stuff comes out, NOTHING'S GOING IN. N O T H I N G.

The pain, by the way.... I would go to the bathroom, clean up, and then lie down on the bed, panting, sweating, and whimpering until my vision uncrossed.

I don't really know what it is, or what caused it, and neither did my doctor, although he did say it wasn't hemorrhoids. So I'm just calling it a sprain. My friend created a mythological origin, like I swallowed a sharp screw or something, which is true for all I know. Sigh.

In other news, I'm on financial Red Alert. No money will be spent between now and payday, I might have to borrow some money for my sister to buy a dozen eggs.

Boba Fett and the Cruds

TMI Warning.

The flu cruds have been going around the city in the last week or so. People have been having respiratory dificulties as well as (ahem) intestinal ones.

Me, I had a flu shot, so I never got the snots. Or did I? I feel like I had a sniffles for a day or so, but no killer flu symptoms.

Well, one thing. For two mornings I woke up hungry and gagging. I gagged when I coughed, I gagged when I sneezed, I gagged when I thought about food. I gagged when I thought about gagging.

Once I ate something, the gagging subsided, but it was hard to work up the courage to eat something, lest gagging turn to yacking.

Ok, there's one more thing. I know farts and caca are supposed to smell bad, and they do... but during the gagging days, my farts smelled like poison death. Horrifying. I didn't know it was related, but at one point 裤子, who I know was deathly sick, texted me, "my farts stink." Later a coworker told me about how his sick babies have been stinking... and that he needed a hazmat suit to change a diaper recently.

Yikes. The crud going around this year is especially gross.

Sigh. Too Much Information. That's ok, the only people who read this blog nowadays are people who stumble onto this site when they google "Boba Fett." I hardly even talk about "Boba Fett!"

Yah, yah....

I haven't felt like blogging in a while; really the only reason I'm blogging now is out of some kind of journaling guilt. That's good enough.

The stomach thing was three days of... needing immodium... followed by three days of gagging. Never puking, but gagging. My parents have been in town since Christmas, and all mama wants to do is cook and knit. Now it is a great, great thing when mama stays and wants to cook, but when you've got some kind of GI virus, it's not so great. I was hungry for most of the time, but the gagging kept me from eating a lot. And, unfortunately, my house was permeated with a chicken/onion/ginger soup smell for a few days, which my nose now associates with the gagging feeling. I don't know if I'll ever eat chicken soup again. Don't take it personal, mama!

Today around noon it started raining this slushy slush that wasn't hail, but it wasn't snow either. It was some kind of clumpy slush. The weird thing is that it came down for hours and hours.

I came home after work and hung out for a while, and then went to V and M's wedding rehearsal, followed by the rehearsal dinner at Ponti. The hors d'oeuvres were little chicken satays, grilled shrimp with a spicey pepper sauce, little button mushrooms stuffed with gorgonzola, and some crab-stuffed spring rolls with that same spicy sauce.

The dinner menu was a salad, a choice of salmon, seared ahi, or beef tenderloin, and then a choice of chocolate or lemon tart.

Yesterday, mama and I went to 老四川。 The waitress complimented my Mandarin! We ordered sauteed peavines, ants on a log 蚂蚁上树，and eggplant with pork, which I think is called 家常茄子。

_______

Just now my mama turned to me and said,

When we were little, we used to get a chicken, and lift up its... it's
tail, so you can see its.... it's anus... And then we would blow like this
"fooo fooo"... and then the tumbong would go like this: (puckering her lips
rhythmically, wuh-wuh-wuh).... and that's what I think of Donald Trump.

I swear, she just turned to me and said that.

I think that's the end of the blog for today, folks.

What's that smell?

I think my feet stink. It's 3am, I'll scrub them tomorrow, when I get up.

I'm on Day 2, going on Day 3 of.... how can I put this delicately.... needing to take immodium. It's gotta be some kind of virus. (tmi? look up at blog title.)

We watched Little Miss Sunshine last night. Mama didn't think it was funny, but I thought is was a riot of dysfunction. No idea about what's gonna happen tomorrow, but I know I have stuff to grade before I go back to school. Sigh. Tonight for dinner, Mama made split pea soup with ham hocks and kielbasa. Delicious!

I watched the Christopher Reeves Superman this evening and then went to meet my friends at the Mandarin Gate for karaoke. Fun! They had a vodka tonic waiting for me, and they put a song in immediately... Stevie Wonder's Superstition. Don't forget: The Fat Boys: Wipe Out. El Diablo: Dirty Deeds (he ripped his stunt shirt). Combustible: Parents Just Don't Understand. Ridiculous Nicholas gave me a Year of the Boar calendar ("you're a bore!"). Yonesy: Jump Jump! Kworl: Greatest American Hero. Cindy: Total Eclipse of the Heart.

Afterwards, we went to Dicks on Holman and ate at the counter, standing. I had a deluxe, fries, and a small sprite. Luckily, no students. Now I'm in bed, and I think my feet stink.