I'm still here.

TMI WARNING.

Yes, I'm still here. I haven't been very bloggy lately, as I seem to have sprained my colon last week, and I've been feeling pretty crappy about it. The doctor gave me a butt relaxer and a butt numbing agent, but even with latex gloves, I can't get them far enough up river, so to speak. So for now I'm relying on advil and stool softeners.

God bless my mama, she wanted me to take this opportunity to get a colonoscopy, a parasite test, basically anything she could think of that involved looking up my butt. If I had let her she would have scheduled a rectal spectral analysis by the Hubble telescope, but I had to tell her no, mama, no no no! It hurts when stuff comes out, NOTHING'S GOING IN. N O T H I N G.

The pain, by the way.... I would go to the bathroom, clean up, and then lie down on the bed, panting, sweating, and whimpering until my vision uncrossed.

I don't really know what it is, or what caused it, and neither did my doctor, although he did say it wasn't hemorrhoids. So I'm just calling it a sprain. My friend created a mythological origin, like I swallowed a sharp screw or something, which is true for all I know. Sigh.

In other news, I'm on financial Red Alert. No money will be spent between now and payday, I might have to borrow some money for my sister to buy a dozen eggs.