I WILL EAT YOU ALL and 万杰平。

It's Day Three of phonelessness. If anyone has seen my phone, please give me a call on my . . . What's funny is that after that last post of mine, with its (jokingly!) bitter tone about how my parents did not help and did not sympathize when I lost stuff as a kid.... well now my mama is totally trying to help, from 800 miles away. She called it to see if someone would pick it up, and then texted it, saying something like 'help, this phone is lost, call JP's mama." Too funny!

Yesterday, I spent the morning looking for my phone, and the afternoon at work helping end the big retreat (and looking for my phone). Afterwards I went with A to Perche' No, because I had just got paid, and . . . and if they are going to hate us for being decadent, then we might as well.

We had some polenta fritta alla bolognese as an appetizer. I ordered spaghetti alla carbonara; A ordered gemelli con verdure al cartoccio. For dessert she had a pear stewed in wine and a big scoop of mango gelato, shaped like a pear. My dessert was crespelle; three whole wheat crepes with nutella, folded into squares on one side of the plate, and zabaglione and chocolate sauce decorated with a toothpick. Yes, we had wine, appetizer, pasta, and dessert. Decadent, no?

No. The beautiful people sitting next to us were decadent. The saucy, well accessorized woman with long, luscious black hair ordered food like she had just gotten out of jail. Her credit card, I mean "boyfriend" also had luscious, expensive hair cut, and he looked like a young John Travolta with a lot of money. I was attracted to both of them.

No I wasn't.

Yes I was. A and I criticized them in Italian. Here's what they ordered.

1. Antipasto misto. Big plate. They shared it.
2. Salad. Caesar, maybe? Big plate. They shared it, and then snuggled.
3. Ravioli. Snuggle snuggle. At this point, the hair clip came out, and the hair was flipped onto A. At which point, I told A about Mako.
4. Pollo alla parmegiana. Snuggle snuggle. A says debbono cercare una camera; "they should get a room." A's stewed pear arrives; Lucious Lady loses her shit; HAS to have it. She also HAS to have the chocolate lasagna, which had run out. They pout, and the waiter finds the last chocolate lasagna, tells them it's on its way. They are happy. Sorry, Luscious lady is happy, Luscious dude is reading his text messages, checking his watch, hoping dinner will be over soon so they can go get intimate.
5. Stewed pear with mango gelato. ASLO panna cotta. Huge panna cotta, turned out onto a big plate.
6. Chocolate lasagna arrives, Luscious lady says 'too full, take it back.' The waiter says, are you kidding? I had to fight the Sith to get you this last chocolate lasagna! Fine, says the Luscious black hair, I WILL EAT IT! I WILL EAT ALL OF YOU!

Anyway, Perche' No was fun. The pasta was fresh, and my food was decent. It wasn't all that romantic, as was promised in the reviews; it was more loud and slammed. There was a dude with a white-dude fro at the upright piano at the end of the room; he also had a guitar. He played Tchaikovsky, Neil Diamond, Elton John, Eagles songs, etc. all by ear. And they sounded like they were being played by ear. Funny!

The owner lady came by twice during our meal; she was very charming. She wished us well in Italian as we left, and we responded in Italian, but then I said 再见再见！to which she responded 再见！谢谢！

A student also came by, he works as a bus boy there. We asked him about all the prosciutto hanging on the walls, if he ever took a chunk home. He said no. So I decided not to take one off the wall and smuggle it out under my coat. A, however....

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Today I looked for my phone. Made myself an omelet. Went to a Chinese Language Meetup. I'm glad I went, although since my proficiency level is not so high, it went as expected; they were having an interesting conversation, and then I would break in, stuttering, with an anecdote about something I heard two topics ago, mostly mispronounced beyond comprehension. They were nice about it, of course. Funny.

Also, they gave me a Chinese name! I'm still working out the hanzi, because the character they wrote didn't show up in my software. The family name the gave me was 万 "wan!" (4th tone, falling). As a given name, they gave me "jie? ping?" (2nd tone, rising; 2nd tone rising). The character they gave me for "jie" was only a phonetic, so I have to ask them next time which radical to put it with. For now, you all can call me 万杰平 (wan! jie? ping?). They'll fix the "jie" later."

万 wan4 ten thousand; innumerable (Trad.: 萬)
杰 jie2 hero; heroic, outstanding
平 ping2 flat, level, even; peaceful
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T-minus three hours until the next episode of Battlestar Galactica. I better go out and get my 5 layer dip!