TURN OFF YOUR PHONE, ASSHAT

As a high school teacher, I know that some of you people are too stupid to understand something told to you plainly and explicitly. So I will make you a table. The score in green represents how offensive you are perceived, on a scale of one to ten.

remembering to turn of your cell phone before a play, concert, or movie starts...
zero - not offensive

reaching for your cell phone and turning it off when you get a reminder from the staff
zero - not offensive

hearing your ring in a performance and immediately turning it off without checking
one - very mildly irritating, easily forgiven

answering your phone or excusing yourself to take the call in the middle of the performance five - distracting

letting your phone ring out, pretending it's not yours, hope it will stop soon
ten ten ten ten ten - you are an ASSHAT. someone should take your phone away and jam it into your stupid teeth

What's that you say? Just pretend it's not you and spare yourself the embarrassment? You are an asshat. It happens that we normal humans actually know exactly who you are, we have stereophonic hearing, remember? If you would just reach down and turn it off, everyone would forget about it. But no, you let it ring and ring, and because you refuse to turn it off, the person calls back and it RINGS AGAIN.

Think nobody knows? Think people don't mind? Then you must be a moron, because everyone in the room despises you. Seriously, a crying baby is less distracting than your stupid faux Beethoven ring.

It is never, never too late to turn off your damn phone. Figure it out.