Monday, August 21, 2006

Music Ministers are Judgemental.

Plenty of stories, don't feel like tellin' 'em. Here's the bullet.

1) Don't pick your wedding songs without hearing them first. If you don't have the luxury of hearing them first, ask the musician if the song is gross. Last weekend we sang a song that sounded like it was given as an exercise in composition class: create a hideous, frustrating melody with no resolution, not even at the end.

2) Don't add music to the Mass. Don't add a song for your unity candle or for after your vows. You will be standing up there for three minutes listening, wondering what you should do with your hands, wondering why you scheduled extra music.

3) Do you really have to rent tuxes and matchy matchy dresses and make everyone couple-parade down the aisle? Does the parade and the resulting photo echelon help you? Some of you will answer yes, we need the pagentry. So then my follow up question is this: I understand that the Catholics want the pagentry and the white dress and the sixty minute Mass... because that's us.

But what about you kids that want the 15 minute ceremony? You people that bitch about not wanting the "whole Catholic Mass" why do you even bother with the white dress and the tuxes? Seriously, you should just schedule a photo shoot, and an afterparty, then everyone wins. Then you don't have to hire me to sing "There is Love" or "In this Very Room." You don't want to hear it; I don't want to sing it!

I mean, really, I thought that one of the GOALS of being Protestant is specifically to get away from Catholic pagentry.

Oh well.
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So at Mass yesterday the priest asked us to sign a petition respecting the pharmacists' first amendment right to refuse to fill a prescription that s/he doesn't like. I almost lost it. You know where this is going.

First of all PLAN B IS NOT ABORTION, DUMBASS. Plan B is emergency contraception; it keeps the egg from making it's debut in a sperm-rich uterus. You know that's where this one was going.

Second, the doctor and I make my medical decisions, not the pharmacist, not the lawmakers, and CERTAINLY not the priest!

Third, quit pretending you give a shit about the poor pharmacists' first amendment rights. You don't care about them. All you care about is showing everyone how pious you are.

Keep your piety out of my health care.

4 comments:

myrna said...

This world is full of hypocricy.

myrna said...

Where is Republic of Outremont?

myrna said...

The uterus is not sperm-rich but it is rich with nourishment to sustain the fertilized egg (zygote) once it implants itself in the wall of the uterus.

Oh, what does that priest know? Unless he was an M.D. before he became a priest he is probably clueless on the study of human reproduction, except for what he might have heard from the confessional booth.

myrna said...

Those weddings with expensive attires and gowns, marching, music is really just for show. Queen Victoria of England wore a white gown on her wedding, then every woman wanted to be like her, to wear a white gown on their wedding. It has become a tradition and many people want to stick to tradition. There is nothing from the Christian teachings that wedding couples must wear white gowns and tuxes. But God will be happy if couples wear 'love, honesty, and respect for each other" on their wedding day and all the days of their lives.