Monday, March 06, 2006

Dietary Confessions

Finally, it's the post you've all been waiting for. I am finally so self absorbed that I'm going to post my dietary confessions on the internets for posterity, and for all to see.

  • My stomach does not handle pizza crust any more. You might see me eating pizza because I like the way it tastes, but believe me, pizza is guaranteed pain. Messy, explosive pain.
  • I am grossed out by American milk. If you don't want to be grossed out by American milk, don't go to this page, especially. Ahem. Ahem. It doesn't help that our White friends, culturally speaking, drink milk by the barrel. I don't begrudge them for it; I'll never tell them that it turns my stomach. I just smile, and hope they're enjoying their bovine treat.
  • Don't ever invite me to a bbq if all you're grilling is frozen, pre-formed hamburger patties. I don't consider that food.
  • I have a deeply held belief that salad should be served dressed, not topped. The same goes for pasta.
  • I am always, always thankful to be at Filipino parties with Filipino food. Always. And I'm always impressed by the volume and variety of food when Filipino Americans throw a party. However, I'm always disappointed when I have to help myself to cold food covered in plastic. We as a people can stand to sacrifice a little volume and variety, so that food can be served HOT. Seriously. Hot pansit and rice is better than cold and soggy everything-you-know-how-to-make. Let's buy some chaffing dishes, ha, manang? (Always thankful.)
  • Stale corn tortillas make me want to fight somebody.
  • My favorite rice is Niko Niko Calrose Medium Grain, because it's the kind I grew up with, Lunch, dinner, often breakfast for 17 years of my life. I like the way Koreans make rice, also Japanese and fluffy Mexican rice. Chinese and Vietnamese restaurant rice, I don't like as much. I don't like jasmine rice, basmati rice, or rice pilaf. I dispise Rice-a-Roni and Uncle Ben's, and whatever the hell they serve in college dorms that comes out of the oven... And my dear White friends, I know you're trying to relate to me, but your dreamy accounts of rice in a bowl with milk and sugar just disgust me.... I know you enjoy it, but please stop telling me about it.
  • Alaskan Amber = guaranteed gas.
  • I'm an adult. I don't ever have to drink beer from a can. Cheap ass light beer is a waste of my time. I would sooner take a sewing class than drink a lager.
  • Salsa should be served in little bowls and then refilled during your party. In college, people would go to Costco and buy the gigantor gallon jug of salsa... and then empty it out the WHOLE GALLON in a salad bowl... and then put it out for guests, next to a ripped open bag of chips. It's that little touch of class that says, 'drop chips on my carpet and step on them."


Micaela said...

Rice, chocolate, and milk. HA! I LOVE IT!

Orange said...

I'm not clicking on your milk links. My genetically mutated European-descent self digests milk just fine, thanks, and I love it.

I don't much care for Filipino food, but then, I've seldom seen it served at a tempting temperature. Between the cold, the pork, and the shrimp, not to mention the grease saturation of my mother-in-law's lumpia (with pork! but she'll lie and tell me it's chicken)�yeah, I skip it all.

I know you don't want a white person's rice story, but I'm reformed! Honest. I grew up thinking margarine and a dash of salt made white rice delicious, but since I met my husband, the only thing that I've added to rice is goopy food of the Thai/Chinese/Indian variety. And plain is good, too...