"This shit just got real."

You haven't gone to see Hot Fuzz yet, have you? Well, I enjoyed it.

One thing (not a spoiler): the theme of gun violence might not be all that funny this week, not even in parody form.

I remember when Independence Day came out; I watched it on a hot, summer's Independence Day in DC. It was the first showing, and the crowd was rowdy. We cheered at the screen to see New York, LA, and DC being obliterated by the alien death ray.

A few years later in 2002, I sat in a theater watching The Sum of All Fears, in which Baltimore gets nuked. This time, there was no cheering, no enthusiasm, just dread. The difference? Why September 11th 2001 was the difference. Spectacular mass destruction was no longer an effect to cheer for; it was something we had all imagined.

Similarly, Hot Fuzz' satire of gun-porn may read a little differently in audiences' minds the post-Blacksburg world. It's too bad, because as a parody of action flicks, Hot Fuzz shows a pretty brilliant analysis of the genre.

Oink, oink.

You better pin my new guestmap. Don't forget to add a photo!

So today, I went to A's place. La J is there, and we watched the Exorcist. I usually don't like scary movies; in fact, their original suggestion was Jaws, which I'm totally scared of. I told them that I don't mind scary movies that involve priests, because the comedy of Catholicism usually mitigates the tension and horror. So I agreed to watch the scary exorcist if A would agree to solo at tomorrow night's karaoke emergency.

When I got home, I paid cab fare for a neighbor, who seemed to have lost her wallet.

I found these sweet and sour scratch and sniff postage stamps. Apparently the glue on the back is flavored as well.

What's that smell?

I think my feet stink. It's 3am, I'll scrub them tomorrow, when I get up.

I'm on Day 2, going on Day 3 of.... how can I put this delicately.... needing to take immodium. It's gotta be some kind of virus. (tmi? look up at blog title.)

We watched Little Miss Sunshine last night. Mama didn't think it was funny, but I thought is was a riot of dysfunction. No idea about what's gonna happen tomorrow, but I know I have stuff to grade before I go back to school. Sigh. Tonight for dinner, Mama made split pea soup with ham hocks and kielbasa. Delicious!

I watched the Christopher Reeves Superman this evening and then went to meet my friends at the Mandarin Gate for karaoke. Fun! They had a vodka tonic waiting for me, and they put a song in immediately... Stevie Wonder's Superstition. Don't forget: The Fat Boys: Wipe Out. El Diablo: Dirty Deeds (he ripped his stunt shirt). Combustible: Parents Just Don't Understand. Ridiculous Nicholas gave me a Year of the Boar calendar ("you're a bore!"). Yonesy: Jump Jump! Kworl: Greatest American Hero. Cindy: Total Eclipse of the Heart.

Afterwards, we went to Dicks on Holman and ate at the counter, standing. I had a deluxe, fries, and a small sprite. Luckily, no students. Now I'm in bed, and I think my feet stink.

Brown Elephant 2006

So tonight was our annual Brown Elephant party. For those of you that are new, in early December we have a Brown Elephant gift exchange.

My mama started this tradition one Christmas because we didn't have a lot of money for real presents, so mama went around the house wrapping what she could find; cans of tuna, panty, hospital bedpan. That's when we realized that the gifts themselves were irrelevant, the fun of Christmas is opening the packages.

Then one year, S imposed rules on our joke gifts, White Elephant rules, complete with numbers from a hat and swapping gifts and all that.

So the 2006 edition was excellent.

First, attendance: H and T, M, C and M, E and E, K and R. And me.

Next the food: Arrozcaldo, secret chicken wings, turkey/pork/beef/bacon meatloaf, cold noodles, cheese fondue (jack, cheddar, emmenthaler) with bread cubes, potatoes, and broccoli). Cheese plate, huge creamy cream puffs, spinach mushroom pastries, apple crisp.

To drink: Brown Elephant Punch (pomegranate cider with soda and rum on the rocks); frozen peach vodka, some kind of tequila in the cell phone flask.

The gifts: a tiny Christmas tree, incredible hulk fists, White Chicks DVD, Girls Gone Wild DVD, Brokeback Mountain DVD, Cowsins Gone Wild DVD (from K and R's wedding). A Japanese sake ceremony set in a box. A framed chart plotting the data of a couple's fertilization efforts. A cute teddy bear. I tried to trade for the cute teddy bear, but at the last second I was thwarted, and I ended up with Brokeback Mountain. Also, White Chicks managed to remain in my house after the party; I will keep them both.

We played Catchphrase. Overheard: fire crotch! Penis... Penal colony! Cows... The opposite of... If you get too drunk you ruin your... Wedding! The blank blank of the blankety blank!

H and T tried to rope me into watching Brokeback Mountain, but it didn't work. SNL was on, so I watched that. I'm thinking about buying another DVD player for upstairs. We'll see. They're so cheap now.

I have to go in to work tomorrow for Open House. That's when some sixth graders show up and ask what languages we offer, I tell them Spanish, French, Japanese, German. Then their parents butt in, asking if we teach Latin. I teach modern Latin, sweetheart, it's called Spanish and French.

It's either that, or they ask if we teach Chinese. Look, many students pass their language classes, many even get As. Far fewer, what, one in a thousand? go on and actually learn to speak, read, and write that language. The vast majority of these kids don't learn it because of their high school language class; they learn it because they go and spend time in the target language environment... they learn it in the wild.

And I'll guarantee you one thing; people who learn language are the students who WANT to learn it, NOT the ones who are taking it because it's useful or because they hear the buzz about all the economic benefit. People learn language because they enjoy it; their enjoyment activates their language learning instinct, and once your instinct kicks in, it's hard NOT to learn it.

Amerian second language classrooms do not exist to teach kids target language, anyway, so it doesn't matter if the target language is widely spoken or not. Second language study in America is geared towards grammatical concepts in the first language. They exclaim, "I learned more about English in Spanish class than I do in English class!" Congratulations, genius, that's why we do it. If we were serious about teaching them language, we wouldn't do it in a 5 hour a week classroom.

Shudder. Not looking forward to Open House.

Black Friday 2006

H stayed the night, I woke up at the sound of her loud-ass footsteps in the kitchen. We had some leftovers for breakfast, doing some critical analysis of the macy's parade. H wanted to stay in and watch MTV, but somehow I convinced her to go couch shopping.

We stopped at her place to pick up some contact solution; she put on every sweater and coat she owns. We drove past Red Mill Burgers (too busy!) and then we parked at Dania on Roosevelt. Ok, we stopped in Whole Foods for a cheese sample and an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie.

We went into Dania, found the exact couch I wanted, and then Josh told me they were backlogged and could get it to me by February. Screw that!

We hopped in the car and went to the furniture district on Western Avenue. We went into all the furniture stores.... ten of them? Saw all kinds of couches. Hmph. Ended up at the Western Ave. Dania, and asked them for the couch I wanted... and Jason's answer was February. Grr!

So then Jason told me to look at a different couch... I liked it, and told Jason to sell it to me before I changed my mind. His answer was, ok, it won't be until December 22. Grrr! My folks will be coming on the 20th. Grr. So I told him I'd think about it.

H and I had a lovely snack at the Salmon Cooker, which is where I'm taking my parents when they come to visit. Shoot, I might go back for lunch tomorrow. We shared a salmon and chips, which was cooked in a hot smoker, and was DELICIOUS for less than $7. We also shared a cup of chowder and four oyster shooters. "Don't put a bunch of shit on our oysters," says H, and they came to our table in little plastic cups with a squirt of fresh lemon.

After that we went to Cost Plus. Didn't find any couches there. H mocked my idea of buying christmas stockings for the family. We bought some chocolate popcorn balls and a box of chocolates to satisfy the parking validation requirement.

Then we went to 老四川 restaurant for 20 steamed dumplings and ants on a tree. There were at least three big tables having fire pots. This restaurant is awesome. Anyway, it was just another snack.

After that, we went up to Broadway to shop for the 2006 Brown Elephant Party. I don't think I've ever gone shopping on Broadway, at least not since college. Fifteen years ago, Broadway was a great walk with tons of people--I remember my dad exclaiming, "it's like Manila!" but it's had a downturn in the late 90s early 2000s. Anyway, it wasn't as crowded as it used to be in the early 90s, but it was still pretty fun tonight. The little boutiques were all doing 40% to 50% discounts. In Urban Outfitters I decided that I would buy the December 22nd couch, but I didn't call Jason back then, because it was time to go to the movie.

We saw Almodóvar's Volver. It was great. It's funny all the characters were working under the table; the one character that had a legitimate job didn't have a single line, and was a producer for a trashy Jerry Springer style talk show.

Came home, ate leftovers, read Jacob's brilliant, brilliant, brilliant recap of BSG Hero.

Oh, the elephant. He was walking up and down Broadway, handing out menus and cupons for Thai Go, and was happy to take pictures with both H and I.

Tomorrow, I will order my couch.