Lunch!, T-minus Five Days, Conversation Topics, Three-Way Sex, and SCOTUS vs. Diversity

I met some friends for lunch at Jade Garden, it was delicious! It's the reigning champ of dimsum in Seattle. No, I've never been to O'Asian, but look at the name, children, it's a non starter. They might as well call it No Asian. (I've never been, so who knows. Maybe it's full of Chinese people. The critics like it... but the critics also like Seven Stars Pepper over 老四川 Sichuanese cuisine... in a pinch, follow the Chinese people...)

I bought me a cheap, new microphone that works well, so expect to see some more videoblogs over at my travel blog: jp goes to china (dot) blogspot (dot) com. Yesterday I posted a my first videoblog, but I think I fell short of fullfilling the spirit of the assignment: I only stuck to very basic Lesson 1 items that I know I can do well. Maybe tomorrow I will try to talk about something more substantial, so you can *really* see how much work I have to do on my Mandarin.

So the RD of the program in Hangzhou has been sending us emails, what/what not to bring, what to expect from the language pledge, etc. One of his recommendations was to equip yourself with a PDA and PlecoDict, which IS SO COOL. It's two dictionaries on your PDA, and it breezes between listing and recognizing your English, your pinyin, or your hanzi! All students of Mandarin should equip themselves with this tool. All.

So right now I'm brainstorming some vocabulary for conversations that I know I'll have. Some topics I thought of are:

1. I have diabetes. (vocab: diabetes, blood sugar, blood test, sharps container, carbohydrates, walking...)


2. Leave Asian Americans alone! (vocab: cultural blindspot, not intuitive, ignorant ethnic majority, lack of compassion, refusing to assimilate, children of immigrants...)


3. Bush is a moron! (vocab: I did not vote for him, blue state, dishonest, un-constitutional, un-American, totally incompetent, liar, shameless, dumb cowboy...)


4. I'm not White people! (vocab: Filipino, fighting over milk, removing shoes at the door, fear of Spam, crimes against rice, stand-around-holding-a-beer parties, I'm not responsible for your stereotype...)

If you can think of any other topics, or any other vocab that I should prepare for the topics listed above, please let me know.

On another note, there is a Kia ad, both in radio and on tv, where a couple talks nervously about finding a Kia as if it were THREE-WAY SEX. Yes! Why am I the only one getting bruised by the subtext hitting me over the head? Look at the way they are talking about the Kia, for pete's sake! Am I the only one that thinks this? Obviously, OBVIOUSLY this is intentional.



And, finally, if you want to read about the bullshit SCOTUS decision that diversity is not an academic and social advantage, read what Dr. B has to say. I don't even want to think about it.

To think, I once had faith in this country.

help me think of a new blog title!

So, I've decided to start a new blog, one that will be my travel journal for this summer in China. I want to be able to have my coworkers and students read about my experiences, so this new blog will NOT point back to you don't have to read, although you don't have to read will point to it.

So what should I call it?

Here are some of my ideas.... vote for one, or add your own in the comments section.

the china syndrome
hangin’ out in hangzhou
JP’s travels
The Orientator
Hungry in Hangzhou
Salt and Pepper Blog
Look Ma, I’m in China!
JP’s noodle and grammar journal
jiping de boke!
donde esta el xixshoujin?
zen me shuo....
Do your gong ke!
People’s Republic of Grammar
Must.... study.... hanzi....
JP; Live! from Hangzhou
Orient Expressions
Maybe You Have Bird Flu...
Ciao, Young Fat!
Coolieing off
Learning The New Spanish
Mandarino
To You, Hanyu, Hanyu-u
bù yòng kàn ā!
China Trippin' with JP

我可以在北京工作吗？

Maybe I'm surfing the net too much; today I discovered this job posting, for a language specialist job in Beijing. Of course I covet it. Sigh.

It's summer break in Seattle; I love sitting in my clean townhouse with the breeze blowing in through open windows... it makes me wonder why I'm looking to China.

Ultimately, the answer is the money. No, it's the personal growth, right?

The money? That's good too.

Postcard from Vegas

So, I'm in Vegas now, with my sister, parents, and the dog.

It's triple-digit heat, we're all broke, and my sister and I have imposed a moritorium on casinos and buffets.

Still, I'm not complaining. I got up around seven this morning, and mama had the bbq going... grilled sausages, dried fish, giant pork roast... I went and sat on the patio with her as she caught me up on family news, and she kept asking, "should I cook the turkey now?" and other awesome things that will be good to eat, but no, mama, not right now at seven in the morning, when you already have grilled sausages, dried fish, and a giant pork roast.

Last night she grilled eggplants; we mashed them with diced tomatoes and sweet onions. I seasoned mine with sea salt, while H prefers the Korean version of agamang.

(photo from delicious biting's kimchi post)

And my blood sugar when I got up this morning? 102. That's right, suckkaz!

Anyway, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Less than four hours. Right before I went to bed, I got an email from a company in China that wants to interview me, so I stayed up for hours fantasizing about quitting my job and moving to China in September.... I'll let you know how that goes.

In the meantime, I really have to go to the drug store, to buy all those dangerous liquids and gels that TSA doesn't let us bring on the plane anymore. There is no dust in my mama's house, but I've already irrigated my sinuses three times this morning. I don't know if it's an allergy to something in Seattle, something here in Vegas, or just a reaction to the desert air...

Baoninato! Diabetes and my latest escape plan.

So now I have diabetes. Baoninato! I told my sister I was "hyperglycemic," which sounds more annoying than scary. I told my mama the D-word, which made her really sad, which in turn made me sad. I had been angry at myself all week (and hungry) since the test result, but telling my mama made me want to cry.

So whatever, I went to see the nutritionist, who was ok with my current eating habits, except for three things: 1) eat out less, 2) no more orange juice, 3) count carbs.

She also told me to exercise, which was like, duh, but ever since then, I've set aside an hour a day. I'm actually less irritated by having to exercise than by having to wash my damn dishes all the time, since I have to stop eating out.

She gave me a bunch of pamphlets and showed me with some rubber food how to control my portions. Of course, it was baked chicken breast, a scoop of potatoes, and a pile of American broccoli, so immediately I loathe her skinny white ass. I need to find an Asian nutritionist. Or at least one that's not telling me about white American food. Sorry, white people; as an ethnicity, you have the most demoralizing health food.

I want me a Japanese nutritionist. Or a Lebanese nutritionist. I know that Italians and Koreans have nutritionists, will you talk to me? Can I go to Greece and talk to a nutritionist? or Brazil?

Or maybe I just have to contact the people that make rubber food....

Anyway, the RN is going to show me the joys of checking my glucose on Monday.

The trick is going to be figuring out how to control my blood sugar in China.

Let's talk about China. I'm absolutely going to Hangzhou this summer, I hope I learn hella Mandarin. Six weeks, no English. Then, it's back to Seattle.

I had a talk with my sister; I should follow my friends to Shanghai and get a job at an international school. The pay is better, the housing is free, and personal expenses are less than $400/month. According to my friend.

If that's the case, I would have enough money to invest, feed my retirement, and take my family on fabulous vacations. No mortgage, no rent, no car insurance, no car! I would have a house keeper and I'd speak Chinese every day. Wouldn't that be something?

What would I be leaving behind? First, my sister and my extended family. A few close friends. Beautiful, cosmopolitan, no-transit Seattle. A pretty sweet contract at work, molded around my personal strengths. My cool condo in Columbia City.

My sister is grown, she doesn't need me looking over her shoulder. I will be able to afford to come back to Seattle a few times a year to see family and friends, and hang out in Seattle. In the mean time, I will be having new adventures with a car-less life style, my carbon footprint will be much smaller. I'll probably end up teaching more classes than I want to, that will be a challenge. Finally, when I decide to move back to Seattle, I will be able to afford a place that is even cooler than the place I'm at now.

So that's my latest escape plan. I'll teach one more year in Seattle, and spend it trying to get a position at an international school, preferably where my friends are in Shanghai. Actually, any urban setting in Asia would be fine, but if I can get a job at the school where my friends teach, that would be sweet.

To be realistic, I've had many escape plans over the years, all of which involved periods of poverty; i.e., graduate school. The international school plan is different: it involves making more money, and right away. So this plan is going to work.

This post is going to be a shocker for some of my readers; major health problems and a major career discernment, all in one post. Maybe the next post will be musical.

Semi-anonymity, hairy backs, and language panic.

When people you know read your semi-anonymous blog, it is wierd. I have met people who were annoyed by my embarassment upon finding out that they were reading; not surprisingly, these were people who don't recognize that I'm always right. Ha.

But, to be clear, semi-anonymous or not: I have an opinion, and I am free in this country to express it. And yes, my opinion is often that some students and some parents are self-important, over-entitled brats whose behavior is often morally, legally, and educationally incorrect. And when I say "educationally incorrect" what I really mean is STUPID. Yes. I said it. Yes. Some parents and students exhibit STUPID behavior.

As a rule, I don't blog about students or their parents. I blog about coworkers as little as possible. But I do not apologize for the times when it may seem that I do not like the students or the parents. When it seems like I don't like them, it is because I DO NOT LIKE THEM. Do they want me to like them? Then they should act LIKABLE. It is not my job to like the people who are unlikable.

So there.
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Click here if you have a hairy back.
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In other news, I have bought my ticket to Hangzhou. I've decided that instead of pushing myself over 48 hours to get the cheapest possible flight, that I will do a 20 hour layover in Seoul.
I will stay in a hotel, eat Korean food, sleep in a bed, and shower in the morning.

My original plan had been to arrive in Hangzhou a couple days earlier and to chill out for a while, but then I experienced something I haven't experienced since I first landed in Paris 14 years ago: language panic. I know I am way way too cool to give in to language panic, but listen, I have high blood pressure now. I don't want to get into a taxi with all my gear, point to a printout of a hotel I may or may not like.

I promise, this is the first and last time I will have language panic when it comes to Mandarin.

Four Day Weekend!

Don't you love how Bill Donohue of the Catholic League has declared himself defender of all Catholics in the face of witty Asian American kids who satirize the priest/sex abuse scandal? I don't. Shut your greasy, racist mouth, Bill Donohue, and try to understand yesterday's Gospel. Every time you say "gook" you shame yourself, and you shame us Catholics you were never asked to defend. Jackass. (Thanks, Angry Asian Man).

On Saturday I helped 小猪 move into her new place. Then afterwards, I went with 安暾 to Pan Africa Cafe for some lovely Ethiopian food. We ordered Lamb Tibs and the Sample Platter (stewed chicken, chicken tibs, potatoes, green lentils, red lentils, and greens) all served on injera. Delicious! I had a very clovey tea with sugar, as well.

Afterwards, we went down to Bottega Italiana for gelati; 安暾 had stracciatella/nocciola, and I had gianduia/pistacchio. Yum.

I had originally planned to go to a basketball game with la 浅, but when she didn't answer her phone, I called 安暾 for dinner. Of course they were sitting next to each other, watching a basketball game on tv. So I apologized to la 浅 and told her I was too exhausted, and that I wanted African food. She was cool, but I felt like a jerk. She didn't answer the phone! Oh well.

So then yesterday I helped out the Newman Center choir; they wanted to sing some spirituals, so I taught them some spirituals. Afterwards, we all went to Hing Loon; fourteen of us pushed a small table for 4 together with a big round banquet table and cracked jokes. It was fun. 恭贺新禧, everyone!

Today the construction guys showed up... on Presidents' Day! The carpet is now shampooed, so all that is left is for me to put the room back together. Once the carpet dries, of course. They also did the hallway.

And now, I am going to watch the BSG that I missed yesterday. And THEN I will work on my Hangzhou application. First things first.

Oink, oink.

You better pin my new guestmap. Don't forget to add a photo!

So today, I went to A's place. La J is there, and we watched the Exorcist. I usually don't like scary movies; in fact, their original suggestion was Jaws, which I'm totally scared of. I told them that I don't mind scary movies that involve priests, because the comedy of Catholicism usually mitigates the tension and horror. So I agreed to watch the scary exorcist if A would agree to solo at tomorrow night's karaoke emergency.

When I got home, I paid cab fare for a neighbor, who seemed to have lost her wallet.

I found these sweet and sour scratch and sniff postage stamps. Apparently the glue on the back is flavored as well.

Thursday thoughts.

So I guess Soul Assylum had a free concert down at Pike Place today to celebrate the Market's 99th year.

Can we all pronounce together? PIKE. (no S!) Place. Market. PIKE. There is no "S" in Pike.

Stop saying "pike's." Thanks.
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So I heard today on NPR a soundbite of a Chinese diplomat saying "Why blame China? Forget it! It's high time you learn to just SHUT UP." Why did our friend say this? Because the Bush Administration was criticizing China for building up it's navy.

Maybe I'm remembering the details wrong, but I have to agree with the Chinese diplomat. Who the hell is America, telling people not to build their own military? Really, the stupidity (not to mention the hypocrisy) of the argument doesn't merit a diplomatic answer. American foreign policy is too stupid to take seriously.
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A commenter on my other blog, 我很有意思! wrote in to let me know that I needed to stop using the word 日, which is used in the word "journal" and "Japan," but in some contexts, means the F-word. Oops. I've gone through and corrected my previous entries with the correct hanzi, "热,"which I should have used in the first place. I mean, 日isn't even the right pinyin! chuh!
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I got a haircut today. I was working on a bushy, floppy mop. When I sat in the chair, I told the lady, I want a DIFFERENT haircut. I'm tired of the standard short on the sides and back, lay down flat in the front with a part on the left side that I always get. The Standard Asian Haircut.

Make me look like a Japanese cartoon superhero, I said! Or even make me look like a coconut, it doesn't matter, just not the same as before.

At the end, when I put on my glasses, I had the Standard Asian Haircut, short on the sides and back, lay down flat in the front, part on the left side. I looked like my grandfather's portrait. Again.

Oh well, better luck next time. The good news is that I filled up my punch card. The next Standard Asian Haircut is free!
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Hey, everyone, warantless wiretaps are illegal! Who knew! Actually, I knew. These people swore an oath.... to protect US sovereignty at whatever the cost? No, actually, their oath was to uphold the U.S. Constitution.

Sorry, kids, the U.S. Constitution is what MAKES. US. AMERICAN. You would distroy our way of life in order to save it. Do you think we're gonna hear an apology from the people who wanted to curtail our rights in the name of security? Nah, they'll probably just accuse the activist judges of being soft on security, and then win another election.



I don't know what's going to become of Lt. Watada and his refusal to fight an illegal war. They want to get him for conduct unbecoming an officer... saying mean things about his superiors. What I wonder is if there even exists a way for a man who honestly believes that the war is illegal to object to it. What would they have wanted him to do? Yes, fight, but if he objects? What was he supposed to have done? He asked for a discharge, they said no.

They'll probably send him to jail for longer than his deployment would have been. They'll put him away. But seriously, conduct unbecoming an officer? Maybe if he pooped on someone's chest on tv or something, but all he did was say that he would disobey an order he considered illegal and immoral. Isn't that what an officer is supposed to do?
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Harbin Hen, Kidney Biopsy, SPU, Sonics

I was at work today working on some stuff for the 'student leadership retreat.' Somebody asked me if we were in charge of it, I smiled and said, "No, we are only responsible for the content." That got a laugh, but it's true.

I found myself saying repeatedly, I don't want my 中文 class to end. I have no desire for my own classes to start. On my way home just now, I started daydreaming about moving to China to teach, either teach English or another language, or to teach in an American school. I was thinking about where to go; I want to learn Mandarin, so north; I want to be in a medium sized city, maybe not Beijing.... my teacher is from Harbin, she recommended it, but it's famous for ice sculptures in the winter, which sounds cold.

That's when I saw a red hen, pecking at the sidewalk, at the corner of Rainier Avenue S and Massachussets, right there across from Toshio's Teriyaki. What kind of omen is an unexpected red hen? I think it means I should go to Harbin.
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My kidney biopsy is scheduled for Friday, September 1st. I will take the day off of work, show up at 6:30am, they'll grab three little plugs of my kidneys through a needle while I'm holding my breath, and then I'll get driven home around noon. Hopefully they'll look at my biopsy and find a no-big-deal reason that my kidneys spill protein.
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Monday I got a letter dated August 2 from SPU, saying that the credit card I had given them to pay for my Chinese class credits had been declined. What! And that I had until the 15th to takee care of it. The date on the charge? June 29th.

That means out of my July paycheck, I have paid for 16 university credits and a deposit on an orthodontic treatment program. It's a damn good thing I'm refi-ing the townhouse; if I wasn't able to skip this month's mortgage payment I'd be broker than a joker.

So why did I not get a letter until over a month later? Because my application had been sitting in a pile. For a month. Because they had such a high work load. Gross. And now I hate SPU.
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The new Sonics owner wants out of the Key. I loved the Supersonics, I watched the amazing teams of 78 and 96 and all the other years, I loved the Sonics. But now if they have to leave, LET 'EM GO. No more public money.

Priorities, people! Professional basketball, or viaduct and seawall? Professional basketball, or rapid transit? Help everybody, or help everbody give their money to some rich people?

Hmph.