Friday, September 01, 2006

Three hole punched!

So my kidney biopsy was today. I got up at 5:30, took a shower, woke up my ride, H, and we were on our way. When I checked in, I waived all my rights, and then put on a hospital gown.

(It was actually quite different from the vivid dream I had just hours before, of 5 people wheeling me on a gurney to a locker where they stripped off my clothes and then handed me a garment bag with a hospital gown in it).

They put in an IV, took a blood sample, I peed in a cup, and then took my blood pressure, temp, pulse, and then offered me a sedative. They wheeled me in my bed down to radiology, where the procedure was performed with an ultrasound tech. And a kidney person, waiting patiently to recieve the chunks.

They put me on my belly and took a look around with the ultrasound. Then, the doctor explained to me the procedure. He told me to expect the click of a spring-loaded mechanism... I asked, like a ball point pen? He was extatic at the idea, took out a ball point pen, and started clicking it. Apparently he usually tells people it will sound like a stapler, but from now on, he's gonna say ball point pen. Except a little louder.

There was a numb lotion, and a couple injections of numb-er, and then he told me (behind my back) that this is what the sound actually sounds like. I heard several revolvers getting cocked behind my head.

There was some breathing and then there was some clicking; I don't remember the sensations or sounds of the actual procedure, I was to focused on not screaming in terror. The result was it was over in 10 minutes... maybe 15. Three chunks of kidney were given to the kidney lady. And I was wheeled back up to my room.

Once in my room, they told me liquid only for the next four hours. Solid food finally came at 2pm. I said "oh good, breakfast" and the nurse apologized. It was chicken quesadillas and rice.

H and I killed time sleeping, reading, playing on my PDA. Two hours later they brought me a tray of salsbury steak, potatoes, vegetron, carrot cake for dessert. I shared it with H, since neither of us were hungry. We picked out the lima beans and the green beans and lined them up on the plate.

H started to get stir crazy, she tried taking her own bp and telling me the plot of the movie "Secretary" so I sent her away. Waiting, waiting, waiting for Dr. C to show up and tell me I can go home. He never showed. A nurse said, oh, Dr. C's not in today, Dr. B looked at your test results, and you're fine.

We drove home and I ripped off the crusty bandage.

It will be a week or two for the lab techs to figure out what's going on with my kidneys.

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