Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Midnight Mental Matchups

On the way home from work today, I bought a couple pounds of mussles. I steamed them with some white wine and threw in some leftover italian sausage. They were good.

Then around 6:30 I took a nap on the couch. I woke up around 8pm and wandered my way downstairs to my bed, and slept until half past midnight. Now it's half past one, I'm up and around; I just took out the trash and ate some a frozen corn on the cob.

I had a dream about a descent into hell, an escape from hell, and a return to hell to get our laundry.

I was thinking last night about the Macedonian phalanx, and its near invincibility until the Roman era. From Polybius' report, the Macedonian phalax wasn't grossly outmoded, like say the Polish Cavalry in the 40s. The Romans said that even after defeating a Macedonian phalanx, that it was still a terrifying thing to face. In fact, the only way to beat it was to not face it on the it's ideal field of battle. On a flat, open, predictable plain, the Macedonian Phalanx was invincible.

Of course modern weapons could probably dispatch the Macedonian Phalanx pretty easily. I ran some of the matchups in my head.

Macedonian Phalanx vs. Polish Cavalry
Macedonian Phalanx vs. Viet Cong
Macedonian Phalanx vs. Blitzkrieg
Macedonian Phalanx vs. Howizers and mustard gas

You know where this is going.

Visigoths vs. Army Rangers, armed with aluminum baseball bats
Navy Seals vs. Shakka Zulu
Darius and the Persians vs. French Canadian circus performers armed with light sabers
Roman trireme vs. PT Boat with a crew of Food Network chefs.
Democratic congressmen w/ revolvers vs. blindfolded ninjas
Mall security vs. Samurai armed only with spoons
Shaolin monks vs. French resistence
Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny vs. Iraqi WMDs


myrna said...

Maybe you were a Macedonian Warrior in your past life. hehe hehe!

ding said...

i think this has to be a work of genius.