Conservative Tango

(I can't believe someone hasn't photoshoped this photo into a Brokeback Mountain poster yet)

It takes two to tango, and the two kinds of conservatives on the dance floor right now are an odd, odd couple.

The one with the tight bun, the high heels, and the frilly skirt is the conservative called the True Believer, and all eyes are on her. She is a skilled dancer. We call her the True Believer either a) because she is a religious conservative who wants everyone to live by the rules she has highlighted in her bible, and/or b) because she believes that in the absence of a non-fictional superman, it's American military's job to promote what our culture calls 'truth, justice, and the American Way' throughout the poor, brown, non-Protestant world. George Bush.

Her dance partner is the Greed conservative, impeccably dressed, masterfully rehearsed, magnificently leading and presenting his beautiful flower of a dance partner. His strong aftershave smells like profit with notes of racism, it's called 'loophole.' Every move he makes is in sync with the music. He telegraphs his moves to his partner through his grip, his breath, from how he offers her his hand. His heirloom handkerchief is monogrammed with the letter C for 'colonial exploitation.' Tom DeLay

Tapping his toe on the side of the dance floor is Greed conservative's little brother, Identity conservative. He doesn't have anyone to dance with him, but someday he hopes to grow up like his brother. Sometimes he has erotic fantasies about Ethnicity, but truth be told, he doesn't really want to get know her, so she doesn't call anymore.

Anyway, you can read here about how forced abortions and worker exploitation are a-ok with Tom DeLay when it's just brown women in Saipan.

(thanks, prof. b)