Tuesday, March 28, 2006

OMG aM i likE 15 YeaRs oLd Or wHat?

10 years ago surveyTen Years ago, it was early 1996. Take this survey, post the results, and see how many things have changed since then.

10 years ago.....
Q1) How old were you? 23
Q2) What Grade Were you in? Finishing an MA in Romance Linguistics
Q3)Where did you go to school? That was University of Michigan, Ann Arbor
Q4) Where did you work? 4th Floor, Modern Languages Building
Q5) Where did you live? 1 bedroom apt on Ann St.
Q6) How was your hair style? I shaved my head to avoid writing a paper.
Q7) Did you wear braces? Not at the time
Q8) Did you wear contacts? Never could get used to them.
Q9) Did you wear glasses? Since 3rd grade, baby
Q10) Who was your best friend? J, and we was boyz (so I thought)
Q11 Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend? S. Let's move on.
Q12) Who was your celebrity crush? I don't remember
Q13) Who was your regular-person crush? Let's move on, I said.
Q14) Were you a virgin? why do you care?
Q15) How many piercings did you have? just an earlobe, healing over at the time.
Q16) How many tattoos did you have? none
Q17) What was your favorite band/singer? too busy for music
Q18) Had you smoked a cigarette yet? Funny
Q19) Had you gotten drunk or high yet? ooooh
Q20) Had you driven yet? what?
Q21) If so which car? yawn
Q22) Which of your pets were still alive? I'm bored
Q23) Looking back, are you where you thought you would be in 1996? No, I was supposed to be much more important.

Q1) How old are you now? 33
Q2) What Grade are you in now? are you kidding?
Q3) Any schooling? I want to take a Mandarin class this summer
Q4) Where do you work? private high school in Seattle
Q5) Where do you live? Columbia City, Seattle
Q6) How is your hair style now? Standard Asian Haircut
Q7) Do you wear braces? do you?
Q8) Do you wear contacts? can I kiss you?
Q9) Do you wear glasses? gimme a dollar
Q10) Who is your best friend? my sister. I don't believe in American Friendship anymore. It's a lie.
Q11) Who is your boyfriend/girlfriend? nobody
Q12) Any celebrity crushes now? The cast of Battlestar Galactica
Q13) Any regular crushes now? no
Q14) Are you a virgin? because sex is so important, it changes your life.
Q15) How many piercings do you have now? 70 now that i've had life changing sex
Q16) How many tattoos do you have now? a new one every time I have sex
Q17) What is your favorite band/singer? the one i have sex with
Q18) Have you smoked a cigarette yet? Yes, after sex
Q19) Have you gotten drunk or high yet? gimme a break, all you really want to know about is sex...
Q20) Have you driven yet? and the rest of these questions exist so that you can ask what you really want to ask about, which is question 14, because of your fear of not having enough sex.
Q21) If so which car? YOU'LL NEVER HAVE SEX
Q22) Which pets do you have now? UNLESS YOU GIVE ME YOUR MONEY
Q23) Are you where you thought you would be? and that, my friends, is the basis of advertizing in America.

There are two great lies that American kids (and alot of adults) absolutley believe. One is that sex is the basis of all happiness and identity, and that they're in danger of never having it. The other is that they have to spend money to take classes to take standardized tests so that they can go to small, fancy schools with a lot of prestige so that they can live in the suburbs and have kids that are obsessed with sex, which is the basis of all happiness and identity, who are in danger of never having sex.

Freaking kids out about sex is an industry, and I'm astounded that conservative Christians are more concerned about comprehensive sex education rather than the billions of dollars spent by stupid, entitled, over privileged kids who live in fear that they will never have sex. Don't believe me? Put American Pie in your VCR, and watch the teenies swoon. I swear, it's their fantasy. Everyone is rich and white and sexy, and so worried that they'll never have sex... until the end, when everyone gets to have sex with who they wanted to! Except for the one, who learns something about friendship. Seriously, this is everything they want in life!

And the College Board and the Educational Testing Services? SCAM They've created an industry, putting themsleves between teenagers and higher education, holding out as an incentive a lifetime of comfort and complacency, based on an ARBITRARILY DETERMINED sense of scholastic prestige. Seriously, is Psych 101 in your local community college any better or worse than at Harvard? Whatever man, stages of the sleep cycle, stages of grief, classical and operant conditioning.... the rest is decoration and social construct.

Sigh. Remember my Festival of Limericks? I'd really like to hold a Festival of Lies. Let's see, weapons of mass distruction, American Friendship....

See how little it takes to get me going? This was originally about those innane myspace surveys. Sheesh.

3 comments:

ding said...

is grading stressing you out?

Micaela said...

Sometimes I wonder if we're snobs for thinking that we're better than those people that only follow their primal human urges. Then I think, whatever, humans are animals. It's all about the evolutionary process. Then I go back to thinking that "it's all about hate." Why do privileged (poor middle and rich) white people only have to worry about sex when POC have to worry about navigating the racial construct?
UGH whatever. We're all animals.
Take this, you'll feel better! or worse...

john patrick said...

Yes, we ain't nothing but mammals, and we have sexual urges. But I must say that we are the only mammals with money, and we are the only mammals whose adolescents live in fear of never having sex, creating a multibillion dollar economy based on this fear, and the related fear that sex = life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.