This guy is funny. He has a story about the Chipotle Grill, which now has a clone on the Ave in the UDistrict. (I guess if I say it's on the Ave, you already know what neighborhood it's in).

ANYWAY! I went there a couple times when I was in exile at Madison, Wisconsin. There was a new CG in Madison on State Street. [tangent: "State" is a stupid name for a street, especially an important one. Yes, there are other unoriginal names, but 'State' has got to be the cake-taker].

I ended up there a couple times, mostly following somebody. In case you don't know, it's a bland burrito stand run for gringos, by gringos, with undocumented immigrants in the kitchen smirking as they collect a paycheck by making food that's about as interesting as half a piece of scratch paper. Once your friends find a place they like, they'll try to get you to go there again by saying, "I don't know, let's just go to Chipotle's" (note the spontaneous possessive). Anyway, they act as if all options are exhausted and that they're offering this suggestion as a last exit; we'll suffer this restaurant rather than go hungry. Of course it's all a ruse; they're trying to trick the foodie into settling for what is their favorite restaurant.

I know, K used to pull it all the time; "Let's just go to Red Robin."

Here's a hint, my friends; if you want to spend time with me, don't pick restaurants I hate. Go there without me; meet me later for dessert. I hate being tricked. If you'd rather spend time with me than eat that garbage, then shut up and eat what I tell you to eat. There's no use in being fat and gluttonous if all you eat is basuras.

My friend R used to say that Chipotle reminded her of 2001: A Space Odyssey. The aliens were able to replicate the look of food from the information they got from tv signals broadcast into space, but they had no information on the taste or smell, so it was all bland. Ladies and Gentlemen, Chipotle Grill.

Red Robin used to be a favorite restaurant of mine. But then the inevitable cost cutting happens, and service gets stingier and more expensive. Now, there is no reason to go, and no, I don't give a crap about the stupid ice cream drinks, so give it up.

One last rant; there is no reason to wait for a table in Seattle, Washington. This place is sick with food and empty tables. Trendy new restaurants do not have trendy new food; they have the same damn food in the supermarket, ok? You've got 2 minutes to find me a table. There are few exceptions.

Sorry, one more: Pan-Asian cuisine (also known as 'Asian fusion') is code for 'not Asian cuisine' or even more precisely 'No Asians cuisine.' It's a way that uppity gringos can experience gringofied (or frenchified!) food without having to see any actual Asians.

Last one, I promise: if you can't use chopsticks, ask for a fork and move on. I don't mind if you can't, but if you make it the topic of conversation, I will spit in your soup. Do you understand? Eat your food, use whatever utensil you are comfortable with, but there is nothing you can say about it that isn't ignorant. In addition, using chopsticks for anything besides picking up food is tacky. They're not drumsticks, and I don't think your walrus face is funny. Put them down and contemplate your shame.